so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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