I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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