I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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