Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
