Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
