also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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