Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
