Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
