I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
