I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
