I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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