He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
