dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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