She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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