u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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