if i can run in heels then i can drive
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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