Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
