bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize