Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
