I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
