I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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