They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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