Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize