I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
