evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
