White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
