apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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