So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
