What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
