apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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