If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
