Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
