I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
