I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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