the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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