When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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