Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
