just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
