see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
