I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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