The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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