You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
