i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
