Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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