Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
