hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
