Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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