Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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