So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
