Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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