You're my little dorito
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
