i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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