woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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