So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
