did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
