i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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