As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
