I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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