And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
