well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
