I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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