dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
