as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
