my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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