Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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