You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
