why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
