ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
