Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got inside last night via doggy door
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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