I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
