I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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