Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
