I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
