next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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