i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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