he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
