I skipped work to stalk him.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize