I hate your face
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
